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‘Atlantic’ Floats Openly Anti-American Content

the atlantic logo with heart monitor

Cover of the declining Atlantic, January/February 2022.

NEW YORK CITY, NY — The Atlantic, one of America’s premier liberal media outlets, and originally founded in 1857, is testing openly anti-American content in order to shrink its readership in order to embolden what they are calling “the true anti-patriot elite.”

The editors of the Atlantic stated that “the time is ripe for a direct and frequent attack upon the ideologues who proclaim American exceptionalism. We really do want them to die.”

In practice, the Atlantic’s direct approach will eventuate in headlines such as “We Hate It Here,” “Worst Country Ever,” “Kill All Republicans,” “Install Soviet-Style Government,” “Overthrow Democracy,” “America Sucks,” and “Gotterdamerung NOW (Please?)”.

The Atlantic argues that a shrinking readership will serve them well: such a decline will rid it of those readers who, “like barnacles, cling to us looking for a free ride.” And a declining readership will place the readers who remain in a distinct minority. “As we know,” said the editors, “the greatest revolutions come from the greatest minorities.”

The editors of the Atlantic also hope that a direct approach will embolden their readers against America. 

“The days of the snide, of the second-guessing, of the snark, have run their course,” they said. “It’s high time we put off the pussyfooting and grabbed America by the throat. Destiny awaits.”

(The editors later apologized to feminists for their use of the word “pussy”, saying that it was an off-the-cuff remark that does not reflect its true commitment to feminist ideals.)

The Atlantic’s direct approach matches a trend among many in the media, following the example of such wags as Stephen Colbert, who, during the 2020 election, took on the role of hostile activist, openly condemning then-President Donald J. Trump, instead of resorting to his usual political satire.

Many in the press, particularly those whose readership favors the minority views of anti-Americanism and open revolution, feel pressured to tout anti-American policies to show their loyalty to the fledgling Communist American Now (CAN) party, comprised of a handful of senior Congressional Democrats.

By showing open disdain for America, and calling for its destruction, many in the media, such as The Atlantic, hope to stave off the censure they expect will follow CAN’s overthrow of the United States Government.

The editors of the Atlantic note, however, that the headlines will be subject to rigorous group-think projects to ensure their effectiveness.

“Of greatest concern to us is that we offend the Americans who most offend us, and that we avoid offending those most offended by those who most offend us,” they said. “We think of it as bombing the segment of civilians who oppose us, and avoiding bombing the civilians who probably support us.”

As of 2022, the Atlantic’s readership appears to be in decline.

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