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Lars Bent Sues Parents for Conceiving Him

Do you have a right to not exist? Lars Bent says YES.

You have the right to remain nonexistent

Photo courtesy Liane Metzler/Unsplash

AKRON, OHIO – Lars Bent, a 24 year old medical ethics graduate student at Ohio State University, filed suit against his parents, Bill and Maureen Bent, of Akron, Ohio, for conceiving him and allowing him to come to full term.

“It’s a human right to choose whether one exists,” said Lars Bent, “and I was not given that right to choose.

Bent says that if he had been given a choice he would have chosen to be aborted. The only problem? Nobody asked him.

“I never wanted to live in this crazy, mixed up world,” said Bent. “And now that I’m here, it’s illegal for me to commit suicide. I am de facto stuck in a world I never wanted to be in, thanks to two people who got what they wanted out of life, the rest be damned.”

Bent says that the psychological trauma of existing on the planet, when he would rather have not, is akin to being kidnapped by terrorists and tortured every day. He is, he says, now forced to work, to undertake many responsibilities that, were he not alive, he would not have to perform. In addition, he is confronted every day by a burgeoning pressure to achieve and make something of the life he says he never wanted.

For Bent, all of this leads to a need to legislate who may have children, how many, and when.

“It’s not right,” he says, “that anybody, anywhere, anytime, can decide when, where, and how to have children.”

For Bent, if the child is not consulted, it is nothing more than enslavement for humans of any age, race, ethnicity, gender, or political subscription to conceive without regard for the zygote’s opinion.

“It’s like saying, ‘You’re going to live, whether you like it or not.’ But what if they don’t? How fair is that? After all, it’s the one conceived who has to live that life, not the parents.”

Bent’s parents deny that they ever mistreated their son, and have no idea where his theories on this subject came from. Said Bill Bent, “We gave him a good upbringing, a good education, tried to give him as much happiness as possible and set him on the right path.”

Mr. and Mrs. Bent also said that leniency should be shown since Lars was a backseat baby. “He was purely an accident,” said Bill. “For the first few years of his life we called him ‘Oopsie.’ We’re not ashamed. Overall, we’re happy with how he’s turned out. I guess we have one regret. If we had to do it all over again, we would have done it on the hood.”

Lars Bent disagrees, saying that there will be no leniency, and that to reduce conception to a mere accident is nothing short of recklessness, lawlessness, and a capital crime.

“It’s reverse murder,” he says.

In conceiving him, Bent argues that his parents forced him to exist.

“They should have thought about it before mixing sperm and egg,” said Lars. “If you stick it, you might get the baby ticket. Everything bad that happens to me now,” he said, “is my parents’ fault. It’s like dropping somebody into a pit of hungry lions. If you get eaten, well, you never wanted to be there in the first place, so whose fault is that?”

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