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‘Trumpwashing’ Tests to begin February

Have you been brainwashed by Donald J. Trump? New compulsory tests could reveal the answer.
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Have you been brainwashed by former President Donald J. Trump?

That’s the question House Leader Nancy Pelosi hopes to answer in a new plan House Democrats are rolling out called Purge The Problem.

“The fact is, we have a whole generation of people who have been brainwashed by the arch tyrant Donald J. Trump. Tens of millions pledge their loyalty to a man who has incited rebellion and insurrection in this nation. He needs to be held accountable. We have to help those who have been brainwashed.”

The help Ms. Pelosi demands comes in the form of compulsory brainwashing evaluations, also known as CBEs.

The goal, says Pelosi, is to stamp out what she says are the “residual effects of Donald Trump’s ruinous presidency.”

House democrats are working with psychology and psychiatry professors at Yale, Harvard, and Princeton to devise a fair and accurate test to determine whether persons claiming support for Trump have been brainwashed.

The new law will require all students matriculating at any college in America to be tested. Personal information of all new hires at all American companies, no matter the size, will be sent to the Department of CBE. Those employees will be contacted within thirty days to be evaluated.

Critics of Ms. Pelosi’s call for compulsory testing compare the push to Stalinist authoritarianism.

They also suggest that if Mr. Trump was the manipulator the Democrats claim he is, he would arguably be the single-greatest mind-control expert of all time.

But, Pelosi argues that CBEs are similar to compulsory healthcare insurance under Obamacare.

“It’s a matter of doing what’s best for everybody, for our whole country, for the world,” she said Thursday.

As part of the Purge The Problem program, Pelosi wants to offer financial compensation to those who have been brainwashed. This will come in the form of monetary payouts from the federal government, as well as therapeutic reconditioning at so-called ‘Donald Detox’ centers across the country.

“We are seriously, seriously looking into this,” said Pelosi.

Pelosi also seeks to hold Trump accountable for what she says is a “deliberate and insidious attempt to poison the minds of Americans, to enculcate violence on a massive scale, and by using cult-like tactics to to turn simple Americans into terrorists.”

Pelosi says that her goal is to have Donald J. Trump tried, sentenced, and imprisoned by December 31 of this year.

 

 

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