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UFO Flies by Washington Monument, No One Notices

ufo flies by washington monument
Photo taken by National Riposte's high speed capture camera

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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Travelling at twice the speed of light, alien craft 7B95QRS flew by the Washington Monument this morning and no one noticed.

The failure to notice was due in part to the great speed the craft was travelling at, and also because of the decreasing interest in UFO activitiy among Americans. 

Some critics of UFO flybys, such as Space Force’s Chief of Operations, General John W. “Jay” Raymond, opine that the alien craft travelled across the sovereign line of the earth’s ozone layer without so much as a nod to the American people.

“This is now the fourth time in six months an alien craft has travelled across the sovereign line,” said General Raymond, “and every time we have only found out about it ipso post facto exacto. This we find to be unacceptable.”

UFOlogist Bern Cloffner said he sent a triangulated satellitic copy echo (TSCE) message to the pilot, one Zerba Zerba Zerba, complaining that “this is the sort of thing that ameliorates all possibility of studying you guys. You have an obligation to let us know you, because a lot of time and money has been spent crafting UFO documentaries about aliens built upon circular reasoning about events that haven’t yet trasnpired but will, if only you cooperate.”

The alien craft did not reply to Cloffner.

However, an intergalactic echo, picked up by the Chinese Wong Fey Fong Tong satellite and transmitted to the United States Air Force, suggested that a careful examination of the Washington Monument be made.

Following receipt of the message, the monument was immediately surrounded by law enforcement personnel, who interrogated all tourists present and rounded up all who admitted to voting for Donald J. Trump in the 2020 election and detained them in a nearby parking lot.

A careful examination of the Washington Monument by the Library of Congress yielded a new message.

About 37 feet up the south side of the monument, etched in small script, the surveyors found a message written in the intergalactic script known as Wonkyword 74-plus (which should not be confused with proto Wonkywork 74-minus, an ancient and obsolete Hebrew dialect).

Wonkyworkd scholar and expert Margaret Appleton, of Yale University, deciphered the message as, “See you soon.”

“There really is a lot that this could mean,” Appleton said, “but there’s also a lot that it might possibly, that is, nondefinitely could, mean. It will probably take three to five thousand years to understand this meaning. By the law of averages, I will be dead by then.”

More significant than the meaning of the script, however, is the method by which the message was inscribed by the craft while travelling at double light speed.

“Well,” said stone glyph savant Gupa Drupa, “it was most likely caused by a giant high speed laser that blasted it on, kind of like a stencil, most likely for religious purposes.”

The Atheist Coalition of America said that the idea of aliens acting for religious purposes is “bogus pop-science. We have done a lot of speculation on the possibile religious or spiritual practices of aliens and have determined that aliens are most likely hyper-sophisticated beings capable of discerning galactic realities to a greater degree than we are. Therefore they are atheists, just like we are.”

Could it be that we’re so concerned with what’s going on on our own planet, with events such as mass shootings, tax fraud, sex crimes, and celebrity drama, that we have forgotten to pay attention to the other things going on on our planet, such as the life-changing events related to UFO visitations?

Only time will tell.

NR

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