100 Percent Energized: The Scandal of Electric Vehicle Charging Station Shortages

“I Am A Victim Of Electric Vehicle Charging Station Scarcity.” — Jennifer Granholm

Think you had a bad day? Energy Secretary Jennifer Granholm had one heck of a time with House republicans last Thursday over a spat arising from electric vehicle charging station usage. Here to share more of her side of the story is E-Sec Granholm.

In light of last Thursday’s shameful treatment of me by House Republicans, I’d like to set the record straight about my recent experiences with electric vehicle charging stations.

Look, I know that last Thursday I said a few things that some House Republicans are calling perjury.

Now I’m firing back: I don’t think Republicans even know what the meaning of the word perjury is. They surely don’t know what “law abiding citizen” means. (But they do know what “greedy” means and how to play that hand.)

Suffice it to say, perjury doesn’t mean forgetting. And it doesn’t mean absent-mindedness. But that’s exactly what happened to me last Thursday: absent-mindedness.

Let me begin by saying that as usual I was running late. I’m always running late. Running late is sort of my second wind and Achilles heel. Always has been, always will be. If the President doesn’t mind my running late, neither should anybody else.

Fact: Running late causes me to be absent-minded.

Fact: When I’m absent-minded, I misspeak. Which is fine, we all do it.

I run late, I become absent-minded, I misspeak. I retract my statement and correct it. Simple. Over with. Done. No big deal, right?

Wrong.

Because when you’re under oath, Republicans show how cruel they are. Misspeaking appears to be lying, especially when it comes to money.

Let me ask my Republican friends: why is it always about money with you people? Why do you call me a perjuror in discussions dealing with my own personal finances? Is it even legal for you to question me on that? Sounds more like an invasion of privacy. My money is my business. Just like my body.

Hmmm…….

As a democrat, I come from a long line of reasonable humans who believe that we all make mistakes. Sometimes we say what we don’t mean—not on purpose, but just because. Are we lying? No, we’re misspeaking.

Republicans were bringing all that up to bias others against me. It’s sad, really, how divided our nation has become. This is a case in point of the highest echelon.

We have in our legal system a clause that allows for the retraction or redaction of misspoken statements by officials of the State while under oath. Look it up.

And anyway, we at the Biden administration simply don’t have the time to quibble about every nuance of every syllable that we utter. Momentous and historic things are at stake.

So get a grip.

Another issue that came up during my inquisition by House Republicans was the issue of electric vehicle charging stations.

EV charger scarcity is a real problem in America.

I’d rank EV charging station scarcity right up there with the threats of global warming and systemic racism.

I would guess that 90% of Americans think so, too.

And if I had to bet, I’d say there’s a 75% chance that over 95% of Americans want to drive electric vehicles, but due to EV charging station scarcity, are scared to purchase one for fear that there won’t be anywhere for them to charge it.

EV charger surplus has two big benefits for Americans.

1. EV charger surplus will lead to a scarcity of global warming because EV chargers actually cleanse the air, converting harmful carbon into salubrious O2.
2. EV charger surplus will also lead to a more equitable racial eventuality, because everyone will be syphoning electrons from the same space. So that right there would put a big dent in segregation in America.

Republicans Tried To Sabotage My Credibility Regarding Electric Vehicle Charging Stations

There has been a nasty rumor floating around out there—promulgated by Republicans and anti-Biden hatemongers—making a claim so outlandish about me and my staff, that I am forced to defend myself. I’d like to set the record straight.

CLAIM: My staff blocked an EV charging station spot for me with a gasoline powered car because I was running late and needed to charge my electric Cadillac Clique and didn’t have time to wait. This prevented a family with a small child from using the charging spot, and they grew weary of waiting and called the police.

FACT: First of all, let me say that I have gotten rid of all gas in my life. I have no gas. Nor do I associate with anyone who uses gas-powered anything or supports gas. Gas is gross.

FACT: I was running late. Had I not been running late, I would have arrived at the EV charging station prior to the family in question.

FACT: The family in question pulled into the spot in question just moments before I did. It was I, not they, who ended up waiting. Despite telling them for twenty minutes that I was the energy secretary, they continued to claim their rights as American citizens, tossing out such snide American naivetes as “First come, first serve,” and “Wait your turn.” As if!

And still they blame me, because they are probably closet Trump supporters and knew I was a democrat.

This behavior, of course, impedes the free market and the proper functioning of government. How can this country function properly if American citizens impede the progress of duly sworn officers of the State?

FACT: Fearing a government shutdown, I called the police to have the family escorted away immediately.

The Text Is On The Pixel Wall: Donald J. Trump Is Victimizing Us All

The fact is, I and this poor misguided family are VICTIMS of the shortsightedness of Donald J. Trump’s administration’s failure to invest in EV charging stations.

All this is the result of the machinations of one man: Donald J. Trump.

This whole situation came up because he’s a bigot.

Had Trump spent the money on EV charging stations instead of on that hideous wall that more or less tells Mexican children every day to “go die” (his words, not mine), we would not have an EV charging station shortage, and I would not have been a victim of EV charging station shortages, and thus there would not have been the unfortunate and truly regrettable imbroglio with the family that was trying to pull into the EV charging station just as I was getting there, forcing me to wait for them.

Trump didn’t invest in EV charging stations because he is a racist who hates Mexicans and builds walls to keep them out. And who suffers? The American people, the environment, and oppressed people the world over.

I don’t know about you, but I, for one, am tired of being a victim of Donald J. Trump.

Our dreams of a nation rife with electric vehicles is starving to death.

Imagine going to the refrigerator one morning to find that you had a food scarcity. You would be hungry. You might even starve to death.

Is this the future we want for our children?

Well, our EV dreams are starving, too.

And until we mandate EV charging stations aplenty across this nation, we can’t get out from under the thumb of big oil, which is destroying this country.

I call on President Biden, master and commander, to Executive Order $500 million for the emergency installation of EV charging stations in the United States immediately so that this nation will no longer be dupes and pawns of a man who has never contributed energy to this country but has only syphoned it off to keep the lights on in his over-large home twenty four hours a day.

I also call upon the president to designate one out of every four charging stations for official use only, so that never again will we run the risk of a government shutdown because a sworn officer of the State is impeded in her recharging necessities.

Simply put, this whole situation—from the EV charging station to the supposed perjury and everything in between—is yet another mark against Republicans, and their tyrranical overlord, Donald J. Trump.